Who are you?

Welcome to Census 2010. After decades of trying to deny us Indians an opportunity to know each other better, the Congress has finally agreed to a caste-based census (rather it was browbeaten by all, including its own MPs). We will now go back to the pre-independence era where each caste, sub-caste and sub-sub-caste knew its numbers and its place in society. Ahh. The glory days when Indian kingdoms were rich and prosperous before the Mughals and British came and ruined it all.

This will benefit us in many ways:

Reservations – Today we have caste-based reservations without knowing the actual proportion of those castes in the population. Won’t it be a more scientific way to first know the numbers and then divide up the pie between all aspirants based on their numbers? Then, if you don’t get say a medical seat, you know whom to blame. Yep, it will be one of your own caste. Doesn’t it feel good knowing whom to blame for the problems in your life?

Politics – This data will help the Yadavs, the Kumris, etc forge alliances. Maths wizards will have a field day advising politicians on caste equations. Isn’t 2+3 easier to answer than A+B? From regional parties we can now progress to caste parties (some already exist) and then caste alliances. Politics will be a whole new ball game. Did someone cry no ball?

Marriage – When a guy/gal tells his/her parents that he/she wants to marry someone outside the caste the parents will have a ready reply – Nothing doing. There are 10^x people in our caste. Can’t you find a decent gal/guy within that?

We know a lot of educated intellectuals will disagree with this whole business but you know what – you are a tiny-miny community who can do nothing except tweet/blog your protest. So go on. Do it to your heart’s content. And be ready to tell the Govt. where in this multi-layered society you stand.